By: Saraid Cameron
I’ve recently realised that I will one day be “old”. Oh yes, one day I too will be an age where people look at me and think either a). “Jesus Christ why is she dressed in her daughter’s clothes?” or perhaps b). “Damn she might have grey hair but I’d still hit that”.
However, these thoughts are not as frightening or alien as they used to be. Because along with realising that my boobs will not always look this great, I’ve also realised that in other ways I’m going to be much more awesome.
Why have I never thought about the VALUE of experience? Basically you do something unfamiliar for the first time, and you suck at it. You do it again and you might be a little better. You do it a third time and you nail it. I know that this is a simplistic view, but I think it nevertheless holds fast.
Every time something forces me to look forward ten or twenty years all I really consider is how poor pursuing acting will probably have made me and whether or not I will have thrown in the creative towel for a life made up of crying over spilt narcissism. But honestly, if I was heading towards a post-Unitec life with the world view I had at 17 I would be a complete mess.
Ergo, I’m better now than I was then, so it makes sense that I could continue to improve thus. More full of mistakes and regrets sure, but better able to correct mistakes I will make in the future because of this experience with screwing up.
So where to from here? Now that I am firmly aware that I will have a future of some description, can I manage it better? Or work towards it more efficiently? Or not? I may be aware of the fact of my own mortality, but I think that’s about it…