Online D8ing
Finding love can be tough. When you get sick of clubbing, flirting with classmates or have had one too many bad experiences with blind dates, where can you go? The internet, as Mega Kehar discovers.
I can still remember the exact moment when it first dawned upon me that in merely a few years’ time I too would be at the risk of officially being classified a cougar. It was a grey Thursday evening, as I was walking down Queen Street, when I walked right into the back of the man of my dreams.
He was handsome and wearing a Killers’ t-shirt. The chance crash sent my imagination into overdrive as I started weaving vivid pictures of us falling in love, making all our friends jealous, getting married and watching Shortland Street together at the age of 60, when his boyfriend/partner took him by the hand and swiftly led him away to a safe distance from me.
It seems the competition is tough and there just isn’t enough time to plot a strategy. In this day and age, where does a girl find a decent guy? And where do the guys find a decent girl? And where do people with other sexual orientations find decent people of compatible sexual orientations? As dodgy as it may sound, my search for answers to those questions spurred me towards the mysterious world of online dating.
I have friends who have been online dating for the past few years. Then there are those stories about friends of friends who apparently met their soul mates online and have been making babies ever since. I set up a profile – strictly for research purposes only – on one of New Zealand’s leading dating websites. After some 45 minutes of filling out tedious details about myself and what I look for in a “match”, I finally landed on a page full of photos of strapping young men looking for companionship – most of them freshly shaved, their cheeks like babies’ bottoms, peering at me through the computer screen with their perfect, radiant smiles.
Contrary to what I had expected, online dating websites do not belong to the netherworld of people with zero social skills. A quick browse through registered female users revealed that apart from an odd hag every now and again, most women did not seem like they belonged to the lowest rung of the mating ladder. But then again, it’s hard to tell when everyone’s got their best photos up as their profile pics. Within a few hours of setting up my profile, I received an email notification from the dating website. “Someone has taken a liking to your profile.” About half an hour later, I got another email from the dating website alerting me I have a message from another user.
As I write this article, I have about five emails sitting in my mailbox, but sadly none of them seems to be from Mr Right. I am not sure if it is just me, but grammar and spelling does make a world of difference. I read somewhere that bad spelling is the online equivalent of bad breath. What is even more interesting is how people use chat acronyms (OMG, LOL, ROFL, IDK, etc) and compress words (u, ur, shud, luv, l8r) – I am guessing to save on keystrokes – BUT never ever hold back when it comes to dots …….. and other punctuation marks!!!!!!111! Online dating experts say like real life, it takes a certain skill to pin the attention of whoever you’re trying to woo.
If you’ve blitzkrieged messages to lots of people without receiving a reply, consider updating your profile. Also, it might help to remove pictures of genitalia from your online album. Once considered a stigma, something only meant for social rejects, Internet dating has come a long way to actually being considered cool. According to a survey, every fifth single British adult uses Internet dating services. On Match.com, a popular dating website, about 50 percent of its British users are in their 20s. The trend is seen in the US as well where the taboo attached to online dating disappeared a while ago. Lucy Brown, a 28-year-old Aucklander and an Internet dating regular, says she sees nothing wrong with jumping on the Internet to find someone. “It may not be the most romantic thing ever but what’s the harm in it?
I mean it is so easy to find someone you are compatible with. You don’t have to bother with going through the whole process of someone’s likes and dislikes only to find out you’ve actually got nothing in common,” she says. She says over the past two years, Internet dating has been a mixed bag of experience for her. “I have met some creeps, some guys who I wish were half as interesting as they sounded online, and some who obviously thought they were Batman when in reality they were the Joker really. “But then I also met some guys I was genuinely interested in,” she says. “I even ended up having little, sweet flings with some of them.”
Like Brown, roughly over half a million people around the world resort to the Internet every month to find love. Of course not everyone is seeking romantic encounters. Gavin Salmon, a 26-year-old IT professional in Auckland, met his fiancé through a dating website. But he says he had initially signed up out of curiosity and ended up making some really interesting friends from around the world. “I just wanted to see what it was all about. I was really cautious at first. I wanted to make some friends. Who knew I would end up meeting my future wife in the process,” he says. One of the major reasons why people choose online dating is lack of time.
“If you are a busy person, you really don’t want to spend your time meeting people and really struggling to get a decent conversation going,” he says. He likens online dating to speed dating but says it is only “100 times better and more convenient”. “It is amazing how easy it is to find people. Say you want to find some one who enjoys Star Trek and going to museums. Online makes it so easy,” Salmon says. Even though online dating has its merits, it has its demerits as well. Reports of sexual attacks, identity theft and harassment have led police to warn women of being careful with Internet dating. Brown says for some people the line between virtual and real life is so blurred it is almost non-existent. People try to project themselves as who they want to be, which is not always a true image, she says.
“Everyone is 10 pounds slimmer and a few inches taller online. Don’t believe everything your online date tells you,” she says. Another factor to consider is people generally tend to be a lot less inhibited online than in real life. This is necessarily with the purpose of deceiving though. “I guess it is because you are safe behind your computer screen. You know you are not being judged. You can be whoever you want to be and the Internet gives you that medium. It is kinda complicated,” she says. In February this year a 36-year-old German tourist, found herself trapped in the house of her New Zealand Internet date for a week.
She had flown all the way from Leipzig to Dunedin to meet an unemployed, unkempt 54-year-old man and not the 33-year-old PhD student she had developed an online relationship with through MySpace. Apart from facing disappointment a few times, Brown has not ever had an unpleasant experience, she says always makes sure she meets her Internet date somewhere safe. “It is always a good idea to get to know your date before you set out to meet them for real. I would rather take my time and be safe than find myself at mercy of a psychopath,” she says. “I normally have lots and lots of online chats with people before I set up a date with them.
It always helps to take a friend along too,” Brown says. While online dating websites are a great way of meeting potential a boyfriend or girlfriend. Social networking websites, forums, Second Life and online gaming are also other ways of ending your loneliness. Some messages I received while looking for Mr Right msg: we are craig and leesha we are looking for freinds leeshas 26yo 50kgs do you have a pic please msg: Hey there, how's it going, how has your weekend been? I am married but I'm not looking to change that, Umm...I'm looking to widen my circle of friends, and if we hit it off then more as well... I've added you as a contact so you can reply as a new member. I'm pretty easygoing and get on well with most people. I can be a cheeky sod at times. Am not overly tall at about 5'6, but good things do come in small packages, light brown hair, blue eyes. I like sport, used to play a little tennis and squash but have been playing touch lately.. Would love to chat to you and see how we get along... Cheers Mal -- msg: hi there would you be interested in a older man???