For the Love of Balls: Wave Poachers
In the last 12 months the new craze of paddleboard surfing has washed across New Zealand’s many beaches and bays. Anyone who visited the open ocean at all over the warmer months will have seen at least one of the many paddle boarders that infested the water. The thing is, they’re hogging all the waves, and making surfing way more shit.
‘New craze’ may not have been the best choice of words, considering Wikipedia dates it back to the 1930’s, when Thomas Edward Blake created the first ever paddleboard. However, it has gone through a reemergence in recent times and is all the rage for many beachgoers. For those of you who are unaware, Standup Paddleboarding (SUP), or paddleboarding as it is more commonly referred to, is similar to longboard surfing. The difference, as some of the cleverer readers may have deduced from the name, is that the riders remain standing up the whole time, and use a paddle to propel themselves.
One of the biggest appeals of paddleboarding is that it’s a great full-body workout. Even if you live somewhere that has no waves, like lake Taupo, the Waikato River, or Takapuna Beach, you can still have fun cruising around the water whilst having a good fitness session. Similar to longboarding, paddleboarding is ideal for catching waves that aren’t particularly big or powerful. Because the boards are typically big, and can pick up good speed with a paddle, it makes catching waves much easier than on a shortboard.
This all sounds great. But for your typical surfer at their local spot, these guys are a real pain in the arse. I may sound selfish, but as a surfer I find it annoying enough having to share waves with all the usual suspects without throwing these guys in the mix.
First of all, there are the kneeboarders, or kneelos as they are more patronisingly nicknamed. These are often ridden by surf lifesavers, which let them off the hook for taking lots of waves. Next is the surf kayakers, or goat boaters. These are like the guys that go down waterfalls and extreme whitewater rivers, except they do it in the ocean. They can usually catch waves anywhere so don’t often get in your space. Lastly, there are the longboarders. These are typically older guys who need a big boat, and can be frustrating as they take waves earlier than a short board can catch them.
However, most of these guys respect the basic etiquette of wave catching. The paddleboarders, on the other hand, appear to have forgotten a few of them. One of the unwritten rules of wave catching is “don’t be a wave hog”. Because paddleboarders can catch waves earlier in their formation than the rest of the surfers, they stay further back and catch every wave they fancy. What this means is that other surfers can’t catch the wave in respect of other surfing etiquette. So while paddleboarders may be unaware of it, they often take a majority of the waves; and it’s getting on my tits.
Before you object to this article and say “why don’t you confront them about it?”, think for a moment. These guys are standing up high on their boats holding a fuck-off big, lightweight paddle, which could easily double as a weapon. I would have no chance.
What I’m trying to say is that the ocean is big enough for all of us. If you just have a little bit of courtesy, we can all get along.
Mahalo.