Dear Barbie: Best breasts a Shitty boyfriend can pay for
Dear Barbie,
How do I move on from some one who says they don’t love me…but I love them, even though we broke up the day before Valentines Day? Can you please give me some advice?
-Lost.
Dear Lost,
I would first suggest investing in a large amount of chocolate, classic love movies, and a vibrator. The three of these things should distract you from your loneliness temporarily. Once the novelty has worn off, sleep with his best friend. This should rile up the angriest and ugliest side of your ex-lover—which will hopefully lead to your getting over him.
XX Barbie
Dear Barbie,
I’ve started seeing this (much) older guy. He’s single and successful and great in bed. He recently offered to pay for breast implants if I was keen, how should I take this?
-Not So Well Endowed
Dear Not So Well Endowed,
C’mon, you’re asking the queen of plastic here…I say go for it! But if you’re going to do it, do it right. My friend Skipper once got the WORST boob job that left her totally lopsided. My best advice is to research, have him pay top dollar for beautiful new breasts…then dump his rich ass.
XX Barbie